3. What inspired you to stay in the funeral business?
I enjoy helping people in a time a need. The appreciation families expressed to me was fulfilling. Working with bereaved families inspired me to give the best professional service possible. To enhance my skills, I attended Leadership and Business Institute at Atlanta University Graduate School of Business Administration, Georgia State University College of Business Administration in Atlanta, GA, the University of Tennessee in Knoxville, TN, and N.C. Central University in Durham, NC.
After working as a secretary for five years, I became a licensed funeral director in 1962. My job responsibilities greatly increased. The firm I worked for asked me to manage both their Mocksville and Lexington locations. For several years I worked long days, working in Lexington and Mocksville while raising two small children with my husband, Nelson.
4. Describe a typical funeral home business in the 50’s.
Funeral Homes in our area were owned by men. Very few women worked at funeral homes and those who did stayed in the background, working in secretarial positions. It was common for a funeral home to be operated through a retail store, usually a furniture business. The undertaker passed the time by sitting on the front porch of the store waiting for someone to die so he could prepare the body for a funeral.
A traditional funeral included people wearing dark clothing, somber music, and a service with a tone of sadness. Most of the dead were taken back to their residence for a wake the night before the funeral. Sometimes the Undertaker had to remove the window casing and take out the windows to get the casket inside because the entrance to the home was too narrow. In the 50’s, church affiliation was very important to people in the South so a funeral was held the next day at a church and burial took place in the church cemetery.
Through the years, funeral service has become a professional industry. In the 1950’s funeral home employees were referred to as Undertakers. Later the position changed to Mortician, and now we are called Funeral Directors.
Most funeral homes no longer operate out of a store front location. Funeral home owners have built large facilities to accommodate guests for wakes and funerals in the funeral home.
Undertakers initially provided embalming and burial only. In 1962, I received my license as an insurance agent and our firm began offering burial insurance to families. The products funeral directors now provide include Life Insurance, Pre-arrangements, monument sales, notary service, photography, memorial videos, tent and chair rentals, cremation, grief support… all in addition to the sale of caskets, urns, and burial clothing.
Changing times has vastly affected the funeral industry. Fifty years ago we seldom had a cremation. Today the national average of final disposition by cremation is 32%.
Today, bodies are no longer taken back to the residence for viewing, and about 50% of funerals are held at the funeral home. Guests receive a printed program, which provides photos and information about the deceased, as well as an outline for what will take place on the program. Some families choose to omit a eulogy, and have singing, poetry, tributes, etc. as featured parts of the service.
The civil rights movement has affected funeral service also. Fifty years ago, signs that said, “Whites only,” applied to death situations also. White owned funeral homes served white families, and there was usually at least one black firm in each town for blacks and other minorities. Today, I am pleased to say that our funeral home serves families of all races and nationalities.
Personalization is the current trend in 21st century funerals, and there is almost no limit to the choices and possibilities. Caskets can be engraved with the deceased’s name on the inside panel, and figurines displaying hobbies such as golf, foot ball, fishing, and much more can be displayed on the casket. A funeral can be anything you want it to be. With family life videos, musical bands, various mementos and family tributes, someone from the 50’s may think they are attending a concert, art guild, or talk show, not a funeral. Although black is still a common color worn at services, often family members will coordinate their clothing by wearing the favorite color of the deceased to the service. Funeral directors are also wearing contemporary colors and styles.
Most funerals are very lively and celebratory, with hand clapping, amen shouts, and joyous singing. Farewells at the cemetery have significantly changed. Families place roses on the casket, release white doves, or release a cluster of balloons into the sky – all forms of expression that make the service a festive celebration.
I recall a service where a family honored their loved one, who was a motorcycle rider, by including a host of motorcycles in the procession to the cemetery.
5. Describe the caskets and merchandise used fifty years ago and what’s used now.
Most of the caskets were wooden with cloth covering. Metal caskets were rarely selected because they were expensive. Today, most caskets are metal or hardwood. Some are made with a drawer to take small items, such as jewelry, with you. Seldom do we sell a wooden cloth covered casket anymore.
In the 50’s a casket was put into a wooden box in a grave that was opened by manual labor with a shovel, which took most of the day to dig. Today most caskets are put into a vault in a grave that is opened by a back hoe and tractor that takes less than an hour to open.
6. What changes have affected embalming?
We have always been able to preserve the body through embalming, but with today’s cosmetics and improved embalming formula, we get a much more life-like appearance, opposed to the “dead look” of the 50’s. Loved ones are still cool to the touch, but they are softer to touch.
7. How has technology affected the funeral service industry?
Pencil, paper, carbon, and a typewriter were the only items needed for record keeping. Now, most record keeping is documented and stored on a computer. I still do double entry bookkeeping by hand, just in case computers are down and I need to access the information.
Fifty years ago I had to arrange the employee work schedule so that someone was available at the funeral home at all times – 24/7 to answer the telephone. Staff members no longer have to stay at the funeral home at night because call forwarding, a laptop, and email have greatly affected the way we do business. I have made arrangements with families during my daughter’s wedding in Florida, a cruise in the Bahamas, and a vacation in New York.
As I look back over my fifty years in funeral service, I have seen and experienced many changes. Funeral homes used to provide ambulance service in emergency situations. On several occasions I drove the ambulance, with the siren bellowing, transporting people to hospitals, including Duke Hospital in Durham. I guess you could say I charted new ground because it was unusual to see a woman driving an ambulance in the 60’s. In July 1969 Davie County began providing ambulance service to the community, so funeral homes phased out of the ambulance business, which has been a welcome change.
The funeral service industry includes a wide range of services and I participate in all aspects of the business from notarizing documents to positioning a body in a casket. Sometimes I assist my husband Nelson in making removals from houses and hospitals when death occurs. On one occasion Nelson wasn’t with me and I made several attempts to back the hearse into a private driveway to make a removal. I couldn’t get the vehicle placed accurately. I had to ask Dwayne Smith with the Davie EMS to take the wheel and finish the task.
8. What professional funeral service organization do you belong to?
For 39 years I was a member of the Funeral Directors and Morticians Association of N.C. (FD &MA of NC). For ten of those years, I served as Recording Secretary-Treasurer and then I served another ten years as Secretary-Treasurer for the organization. In this position I traveled throughout most of the United States, participating in national conferences. I received the Souvenir Journal Award, Professional of the Year Award, and the Woman of the Year Award during those 39 years.
Currently,
I am a member of the North Carolina Funeral Directors Association.
9. How did you get started with your own business?
In the early 90’s I began discussing with my family the possibility of starting my own business. I had worked in funeral service for forty years at the time I began considering opening my own firm. I wanted to provide the community with a state of the art facility and other services not available at that time. They strongly supported the idea and we purchased land on Wilkesboro Street. A groundbreaking was held in August, 1996 and we officially opened Graham Funeral Home, Inc. in May 1997.
Family members who help with the business include Dorothy’s husband Nelson, a retired employee of Ingersoll-Rand, their two daughters and sons-in-law, Angela and Raymond Robinson, Dr. Regina Graham and Raphael Hauser. There are eleven additional part-time employees.
The funeral home is 7,400 square feet and was designed by Dorothy and Regina, who traveled to surrounding states touring other funeral homes in order to develop a good floor plan. The chapel can seat 150 people, and has expanding doors which equip the chapel to seat more than 250 people.
Additional areas in the facility include two visitation rooms, an embalming room, selection room, conference room, dining hall, and offices. In 2002 a five bay garage was built on the property and in 2004 Dorothy’s son-in-law, Raphael Hauser, created the company’s website, www.GrahamFuneralHome.net, and set up additional technology for the business.
When I started in the funeral service business immediately out of high school, I had no idea I would one day own my own funeral home. It has been a wonderful journey, and many dreams have been fulfilled.
10. In what way do you want your legacy to continue?
The path I have laid continues through the involvement my family has taken in the business. My husband, children and sons-in-law all work for the business in some capacity. Even my grandsons greet guests at the entrance. I feel confident the business will continue through them.
The Dorothy Rucker Graham Scholarship established by my daughters, Angela and Regina, in 2006 at the Davie County Community Foundation is another way of helping the community for generations to come. Contributions to the scholarship help students fund their college education.
11. How do you view your position now as a funeral home owner?
My leadership is a part of a larger network of family and staff who all strive to provide the best quality service to families. I thoroughly enjoy helping families in need and I plan to continue serving the community as long as I have good health.
I look back over the fifty years and think about the wonderful people I’ve met and the experiences that have occurred. I don’t look at my work as a job; it’s a way of serving others. I agree with the quote by the philosopher Confucius who said, “If you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life.”